Out the windows, I can see a spider hanging on its web from a tree branch. It is a rather precarious place to hang with wind and rain forecast to arrive later. A large moon peeked through the tree limbs until it snuggled back into the flat gray clouds. I opened the window to take a picture with the halfway working camera. No luck with that. I was, however, greeted with a chorus of peeps and crickets. Have you noticed the change in Nature’s songs as the summer winds down into autumn? The locusts have made way for the crickets to chirp and frogs to loudly peep. The birds are quieter. The fields of beans and weeds have begun to turn a paler green and moving into autumnal yellow.
Plotting and plans have been tossed into the rubbish like yesterday’s newspaper. I re-injured my shoulder and neck muscles. That forced me to slow down… and I was on a roll! Then, as I was adding things to the day, I pulled it again. This required another visit to the doctor, a stronger prescription, physical therapy, and a week off of work. Physical therapy has helped better than I could have imagined. And, I needed to stop being stingy and buy new bras. That, and my bad posture, are two contributors to the shoulder problems. I never knew a bra could feel so good! I’m happy to sleep in the bed again. I had to sleep on the love seat, flat on my back with my legs hanging over the side. It was the only comfy position.
My faith in humanity was restored by local drag queens and a restaurant called Hamburger Mary’s. There were people from all walks. They made me, at least for a short time, forget all the ills of the world. Getting to see a drag show has been on my bucket list for years. I saw firsthand what true inclusiveness looks and feels like. There are no words to describe it.
I watched the movie Soul on Disney +. I cried. It was a good reminder that living is not about having a purpose. If you know what that is or have one, that is great. Living your life to the fullest is about being in the moment. I tend to go on auto-pilot. Living is in the noticing. Part of that is feeling it all and sorting through it. Living is noticing the coolness of the floor beneath bare feet. You find it in the soothing hot shower on sore muscles. You can smell and breathe it in with the change of the air. You can hear it within the sounds that surround you or the quiet between the noise. It is expressing oneself in a unique way that only you can do.
I had the sad news that one of my favorite artists and a fellow human named Tracey passed away on August 21st. I loved her humor. She and I had a running joke that the letter e in my name fell off somewhere. I became The E-Less One and, she was the E-ish One. I’m grateful our paths crossed. Her light in this world is missed.
Sometimes, I feel multiple people are living inside of me. One of them loves routine, comfort, and planning ahead. There is another who is spontaneous and on fire for life. She says hella no to routines and let us go do something fun. This one feels and sees the invisible pulse of magic and wonder that courses through the mundane. Then there’s the judgmental one. She doesn’t understand why people are selfish and individualistic or how one way is the only way. This one loves to ride the high horse and often falls off. There’s the serious one who ponders life’s big questions and loves thought-provoking things to noodle upon. Lastly, there’s the one who feels like their heart has been broken by life so many times that it’s impossible to tape the shards back together. The only thing left is a pile of sand.
Pondering hearts and sand led to writing the following poem.
hearts of stone will crumble
hearts of glass will shatter into sharp edges
hearts of wood will splinter and poke
hearts of sand will wash away with an ocean of tears
what if
that lump of sand
damp with tears
can be shaped anew
molded
into
a new heart
a heart that knows
the tide of tears
dissolves
what’s no longer
needed
wanted
or
coherent
is it simply erosion
or
a re-shaping, remolding
to stay afloat
within the
ebb and flow
of life
a necessary
evolution
into
a
better version
of one’s self
