The Real Bermuda Triangle
It is no easy feat for the Almighty and the Devil himself to create a place to put a growing horde of friendly daemons and keep humans out. Humans had and continue to become curious and curiouser about the world and beyond. The Dark Lord and God decided the best place to hide them was in plain sight with a few precautions against discovery built-in. One can’t be too presumptuous when it comes to humans and what you think they will and won’t do.
After heated arguments over the Arctic, Antarctica, the Pacific ocean, and the moon, 1God and the Devil had a bet on whether or not humans would make it to the moon. The devil won. God swears (and that is something to hear) that the Devil cheated and accused him of colluding and abetting the humans in some nefarious ways. The Devil feigned disbelief at the accusation and denied any such wrongdoing or hooey of the sort. He will often, especially when God is winning at checkers, bring up the fact that God Almighty Himself sure didn’t have much faith in his own children The outcome of this bet continues to be a sore spot for God and no Angel in their right mind would ever bring it up as a fun topic to discuss over dinner. they settled upon approximately 500,000 square miles of ocean between the tip of Florida, Bermuda, and Puerto Rico. Because of those precautions, this triangle became known as a place where weird mysterious things happen. His Most Evil One felt this area ought to have his name on it. He is a bit vain, Dear Reader. The Devil sent his best (or so he thought) Daemon for the job, Roger. Roger, who doesn’t listen well nor take notes of any sort, whispered into the author Vincent Gaddis’ ear “Bummer Triangle”. Why he picked Mr. Gaddis, we will never know Dear Reader. It remains a secret to this day.
Mr. Gaddis, thankfully noting the location of said mysterious happenings, coined the term, Bermuda Triangle. The Devil was not pleased because “Bummer Triangle” was not what he said and the lamest thing he had ever heard to date. He fired Roger and sentenced him to a short eternity of listening to kittens purr. 2Daemons, the ones that reside in Hell, cannot stand the purring of a kitten. Dear Reader, it is worse than an earworm of some catchy song you can’t remove from your brain. It causes the Daemon to purr. Next, they will dig furtively for an earworm that doesn’t exist, eventually poking a hole through the ear and removing a bit of brain. It’s much like digging in your ear for that annoying bit of wax only to find you’ve gone a bit too far. A fantastically awful hideous Daemon purring is not a pretty sight to hear or behold. The opposite is true of the likable, now residing within the Bermuda (Devil’s) Triangle, Daemons who have perfected the art of the purr so well, that most humans are unable to withstand its charm and adorableness.
His Royal Evilness remembering that if one wants something done correctly, you must do it your Damned self. He visited Mr. Gaddis in a dream full of horrors of just what happens if one was lost within the triangle. Mr. Gaddis woke his wife Margaret screaming of the Devil’s Triangle and human spontaneous combustion. 3Vincent Gaddis, author of nine books, is credited with coining the term, “Bermuda Triangle” and “Spontaneous Human Combustion”. Now you, Dear Reader, know the rest of the story.
Now that the place was chosen and agreed upon, how does one set up land to fit hordes of Daemons? How do you move them there en masse? You would think this is easy-does-it for an entity such as The God Almighty. And that, Dear Reader, is where you would be wrong.