You Can’t Keep A Good Daemon Closeted
Dear Reader, you might have incorrectly assumed that Heaven is a well-oiled, smooth-running machine. You would be wrong. It is a bureaucracy with a department to cover every facet of Heaven with a department to cover those departments and so forth ad nauseam. In human terms, it feels like one has landed in the absolute Hellish Bureau of Motor Vehicles with an all-white décor and winged white-suited customer service representatives.(1) The how-to move the Daemons was a sticking point between God and the Devil for many years.(2) In the meantime, the Devil agreed to keep them contained (imprisoned) within the confines of Hell. The talks resumed and unfortunately, while they were pointing fingers and talons at one another, a new problem was brewing. Once again Dear Reader, powerful entities who should know better did not factor in the cleverness, and in this case devilishness of their creations.
The Devil formed a super top-secret team of fiends called Hellions to round up all the rogue Daemons and deposit them into the designated area now known as The Closet. As mentioned earlier, the rogue daemons weren’t hard to find within the confines of Hell with all the shenanigans they liked to pull. Angels were patrolling Earth to capture rogue Daemons prancing about there. Bless their gray hearts, Dear Reader, those rogue Daemons tried to disguise themselves as cute itty bitty puppy dogs that middle-class white ladies like to carry in their pocketbooks while shopping. It makes one wonder if those nice ladies knew what they were really carrying around inside their pocketbooks or why they couldn’t find their lipstick or sometimes their spare change. Once every single rogue Daemon was caught and placed in The Closet, the Devil closed the proverbial door and threw away the key with great flourish.(3) Once they were in the closet, the Devil resumed talks with God about how to move this now-massive congregation of rogue Daemons from Hell to the Bermuda Triangle.
The Closet where the rogue Daemons now found themselves in a 12X12X12 room furnished with an array of materials to play with. However. You knew there would be a however and one has to wonder why the Devil didn’t think of this. However, they grew quite bored and it wasn’t exactly the roomiest of closets for hundreds upon thousands of Daemons to reside in. Plus, there were no doomed human souls to entertain. Pocketbooks were strictly forbidden along with changing into itty-bitty puppy dogs. When Daemons get bored, especially ones influenced by the curious nature of human beings, you are asking for trouble. There was no belly button fuzz or large hairy toes to collect. There were no humans to influence with hooeyishness. No one remembers or is willing to name who came up with the idea. It started as a whisper, grew into a low rumble and then a fevered pitch of shouting “Huzzah!” “That’s a GREAT idea!” and copious “Woo Hoos!”. The racket coming from behind the closet door made the two Hellions guarding it a wee concerned. This cacophony was louder than the normal cacophony one finds from a closet chuck-a-buck stuffed full of daemons.
“What’s all that noise and hubbub from behind the door, George?” asked an overly hairy and stocky Hellion named Fred.
“Dunno,” answered Fred, who was bald all over and quite lanky for a fiend.
“You don’t think those silly Daemons are up to something, do you?” asked George pointing a brown dirty fingernail at the door.
“Oh, I sure as Heaven’s Pearly Gates, hope not,” replied Fred who placed his tiny ear upon the door to get a better listen.
“George. They’ve quieted down now. I don’t think there’s any reason to report this to you-know-who.”
“Are you sure Fred,” asked George with one eyebrow cocked. I should mention here, that George’s one eyebrow was permanently in a cocked position.
“Yeah. We don’t want to cause any trouble. Things have been nice and peaceful as far as Hell goes. They can’t get out.”, Fred replied.
George answered, “Yeah. I suppose you’re right Fred. They’ve quieted down now.”
Once the cheering settled down, a few Daemons sat down to hatch their plan. Oh, what a grand idea it was! They decided it was high time a few of them sneak away to check out Heaven. They wanted to see what all the fuss was about.(4) As I’m sure you are well aware by this time Dear Reader, any sort of Daemon hobnobbing about Heaven is certain to cause a stir and a shake.
Click here for CHAPTER IV, Flies on the Wall