Teatime With The Devil
Can I offer you a cup of tea?” inquired a full-bodied oozing daemon.
“Uhm. No. No. Thank you.” responded God with a puzzled look.1His Almighty, no stranger to creating interesting and unusual beasts was trying to figure out how this daemon seemed to recirculate ooze. And, much to his disgust, God couldn’t stop watching it slowly weep and bubble. Larry, on the other hand, had heard many a scary story about God and wasn’t keen on His Almighty staring at him so intently. It caused Larry to ooze more which he found quite embarrassing. This, naturally made God stare more. Larry couldn’t wait to go home, wrap himself in his favorite fuzzy hell-hound blanket and forget this day ever happened.
His Almighty couldn’t believe that he sank so low. Literally, sank into Hell to have a meeting with The Devil. These sorts of things were always done on Earth. It was a cozy enough meeting room although far too much loud red and orange for God’s taste.
“Harrumph.” God thought, “Lucifer wants to put me off my game. Ha. I won’t let it happen.”
Larry, the oozing Daemon who had been standing by giving His Almighty the hairy eyeball, stepped over to the door and opened it. The Devil, feeling his oats and dapper in a Billy Porter2Dear reader, please do a Google search of Billy Porter’s red carpet looks. It is beyond amazing and the author herself gets a bit swoony about the whole thing. red carpet inspired ensemble walked in like he was on a fashion runway, stopping to pose and preen while making his way around the table. God rolled his All-Mighty eyes and lowered his bushy eyebrows to his nose. Larry, a huge fan of the Devil’s fashion sense couldn’t help but clap and swoon a bit.
“Thank you, Larry, for taking care of our guest.” said the Devil. “You can run along now.”
Larry ran. God gave him a case of the weebie-jeebies.
“Was that necessary?” God asked.
“Of course. I like to keep MY creations entertained. Give them a show.” replied the Devil. “You don’t see them questioning if I’m real or what my intentions are. That’s where you went wrong with all that free will with stipulations nonsense. Really. What were you thinking?”
His Almighty replied, “We aren’t here to discuss how I run things. Who is this human you yammered on about? I couldn’t find him in the Big Book of Righteous & Good Humans”
“Oh, you wouldn’t find him there.” said the Devil with a smirk. “He’s been conscripted by the Forces of Hell.3The Forces of Hell was something The Devil thought up on the spot. It was an idea he had been toying with but never had the need to put together and now seemed like the perfect time. Besides, he had to one-up God’s Army of Heaven. The Devil’s Forces of Hell would be stylish, outrageously dressed, and made up of the worst of the worst of hell. Plus, the Devil liked keeping God on his divine toes.
The devil pressed a button on top of the table.
“You can send in Captain Dampnut now.”