The Lonely Devil
A long, long, a so long ago that it would require a bound and printed book with just the word “long” written from front to back, time ago, the devil made Daemons for companions.
The devil was lonely. Hell wasn’t as full as it is nowadays. The humans and a few particularly naughty animals, fish, poultry, birds, reptiles, and insects kingdoms often turned tail or went belly up whenever he appeared. How could he play and cheat at checkers with that sort of behavior?
He wanted friends or at least someone to play with and to cheat at checkers.
So, much like God sitting upstairs, he made companions in his image. Well, sort of in his image. He filled them with fire, brimstone, unbridled passion, greed, and all other sorts of nastiness. Remember, dear reader, we are speaking of Hell. Nastiness is relative to the beholder.
The devil created hordes upon hordes of Daemons who he unleashed to play havoc with upon God’s children upstairs. Mostly it was unleashed upon the human ones. There was one tiny problem with this plan. That one thing he didn’t count on. Once you create something and let it go about willy-dilly, it changes. That’s exactly what happened to some of the Daemons.
Sure, sure, they hung onto some of that hellish nature. Some still liked to collect big toes or pinkie fingers and even ears but they weren’t happy with simply creating chaos and mayhem. The more they hung out with humans, they wanted to learn more about them, lick their toes, play with their hair, and lend a helping hand when needed. The mutual attraction between Daemons and Humans couldn’t be denied.
It took generations upon generations of Daemons and humans interacting to come to an understanding with one another. Humans wanted to tame and treat the Daemons like pets. Some Daemons felt humans had too many appendages, cute as all get-out, and didn’t see the harm in collecting them. They often forgot that humans can’t grow them back like Daemons. Once this was sorted out, some of the best friendships were between Daemons and humans. They got along fabulously. Daemons are a fun lot and worth having if you like spontaneity, hooey, and laughter, lots of laughter.
The devil was beside himself with the news of this Daemon and human hootenanny. Oh gosh, dear reader, he did try mightily to interfere. He would kidnap the (his words), “irresponsible, skunk-butt, flower happy so and so’s” and replace them with a fresh from Hell with a nasty disposition Daemon. Throw in God sending an army of Angels wearing white suits and it was a trying time on planet earth indeed(1) The army of Angels in White managed to round up these errant Daemons. Dear reader, it is rumored that the Devil and God were in cahoots to remove these, as God called them, Too Big for Their Britches Daemons. The Devil and God agreed, which happens more times than not, that for humans to live happily, there would have to be a status quo and absolutely no gray area. You were either evil and of Hell or you were angelic and followed the commands of God to the letter (2)
A special place had to be made for these human hobnobbing Daemons to live. They couldn’t live in Hell. Oh, the Devil tried, Dear Reader. He tried. They would sob. They would clean-up messes. They would, Devil forbid, cuddle and sing in-tune. They even would make art from whatever Hellish materials they could find. The human residents of Hell were briefly happy with the short reprieve from never-ending misery because of the hijinks pulled by these friendly Daemons. And, God certainly couldn’t take Daemons into Heaven. The Devil pleaded, bargained and begged for Him to take them. It was a loud Heavens No! from God on that idea. How would that make the almighty Him look to his children? They would frighten Heaven’s residents who had a certain expectation of what Heaven looked like. It would be a massive undertaking to change all the brochures and advertising. Between the two of them, they hatched a plan that would take care of this problem.
They created the Bermuda Triangle. Oh yes, they certainly did just that, Dear Reader.
Click for CHAPTER II, The Real Bermuda Triangle