I decided to take a break from art as a business. It wasn’t fun anymore. I was working extra hours at the Day Job & my energy was zapped.
Also, stuff & life happened. Sure, one could say that’s not a good excuse to stop making art. I think it was an important pause. A chance to reflect for sure. I felt like I had no time to myself, was spent energy-wise & it was topped off with a large dollop of meh.
I’ve tried digging into the big why I do what I do. I’ve come up empty or with pretty sounding reasons. I’d wear them proudly for a bit but sure enough, they’d fall off. I was always looking for more KAPOW & more REASON behind what I make. What I was doing was never enough. Naturally, the searches for more improved REASON & KAPOW wasn’t sustainable, not needed, nor helped in figuring out the big why.
The real reason I make art? It’s my escape from an overwhelming chaotic & scary world. There it is in all of its ugly truth. It’s been that way since I was young. I’ve been wrestling with that truth, trying to deny it or smoosh it out of existence. Nothing lofty & holy there. Nope, but there it is.
This escape mechanism (art, not the eating of all the delicious food that crosses my path) allows me to reconnect with seeing & dreaming of a better place (cue Imagine by John Lennon). It helps me remember that I have more control than I believe or think I do. Escaping into this alternate reality is how dreamers shape & shift what feels stuck & unmoveable. Making art forces me to find the wonderful in the mundane everyday stuffs. Ask any human that works with gourds & they’ll tell you. Under that ugly dirty hard-shelled squash-like thing is something beautiful. It takes work & some elbow grease to find it. The same thing applies to life. Sometimes it’s right there in front of your face. Other times you’ve got to do some polishing.
I’ve saddled up the Art Unicorn & I’m jumping back on for the ride. Yes, art is my escape from all that’s wrong with this world. It’s also what saves my sanity (quiet in the peanut gallery) & helps me remember that there’s plenty that’s right about it too. We need to be reminded of that, the good stuff. It’s honoring the light at the end of a dark tunnel. That & those that hold the light are what keep us going. Time to giddyup. I’ve got some light to shine.